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Tell you the truth i lost my faith in you
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There's a party in my closet calling all skeletons
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Each reason is just for you
Sunday, October 04, 2009 AT 10:51:00 PM ★
I thought he didn't know how much I want to make the cake at Icing Room. But at least he knows what I truly want and maybe we will eventually be going Icing Room soon to make cake. I dare not think yet just be happy. He can be said really nice to me but just that sometimes when I see how much he is so bored about coming down to find me, I feel really sad. Due to my family, he didn't want to find me. Because of those attitudes my family throw to him, a phobia was created between him and my family. I feel so crap, so unhappy. I hate having this family for hurting him so badly. If only, he is willing to not bother and just come down rather than me coming down at times, I feel really glad. I admit I don't mind coming down and giving him my 24 hrs attention, but sometimes I do need him to come down to be there for me rather than me always coming down. Cos I do feel tired too, whenever I come down. I guess, I am just that willingly to be the one coming down. I must say, our love is changing each day. He is the one, but I don't dare to think if I can expect anymore things from him. I think I don't expect yet just await the day he is willing to tell me again that he will come down to keep me company. For now, I am just happy to have him always fetching me from his house MRT station despite its a distance. I am contented, at least he does care. I love being at his house cos of the freedom we both have together, but I just feel tired cos I got to travel one end to the other end. But overall, I am very happy already to be able to exchange from his smiles. At least, he is happy (: That's all I ask for. Well, I admit I really really want to make the cake, whether we are able to make or not able to, I will just keep smiling. I know he understands me, is just that sometimes I can't help feeling all rowdy cos I am also someone wanna do some lil things with the one I love. Well, I guess its not just the cake, its just I wanna do something together as one couple. Instead of just my obession of sugary stuffs. It is not cos of that, it is just cos I wanna do with him, be with him & making something of our own. I know he cares, I am definitely contented to have him caring endlessly. It is just sometimes, I hate it when my family causes that phobia in him. Ever since he has that phobia, I know it is very hard for him to come down to find me already. I know it is impossible for him to find me, but I tell myself to think positively. But nothing has changed, out of my entire holiday, I'm the one coming down to find him instead of the other way round. I guess, it is rather impossible to change everything. ): This phobia created, I think it is going to take a lifetime to cure. Whether it cures or not, I know I will try changing his mind despite the percentage is close to zero. I guess I just want my love and my parents to communicate instead of all this conflicts. Sometimes, when thing goes all wrong, I keep searching in my heart who will I be finding when I need someone? I don't know, I don't know anymore. Parents has hurt me every single moment, my love has been there showering his endless love despite there were quarrels and unhappiness. Guess my emotional is causing so many useless shitty stuffs running through me. I really hope parents and my love can communicate, not pretending and wearing a mask. Alot of things are indeed changing each day, to make it better or not, it is all up to what we can do, I guess. Despite my love may say things sicko and lame, I understand him and appreciate him because despite how much I don't say such things, I just play along. I am pretty simple towards the things he said. I just don't want anymore quarrels. I just want love, love from him. He is the best guy I ever found, whether some stuffs I want will come true or not, I believe I will always be his understanding girlf. Cos I rather choose to be the understanding one than be the one who rather pokes my nose into his affairs. Despite how much things I loathe, I am glad he knows what is happening to me. From the moment we knew until this day, alot of things are undergoing so many things. For eg, last time you are always showering me with those gifts just to prove your love, you will always buy me candy for the promise, you will send me to my doorstep, you will randomly get me gifts, you will spend on money despite being tight, and many others. But now, despite being abit different, you taught me how to save on money, how to not crave on sugary stuffs, how to take good care of myself, how to be a better girlf, how to not be so demanding and many. I know you don't come my place anymore, but at least you spare a thought for me by giving me a call daily and always giving me a kiss goodbye. Despite you love having dirty talks, I will just be there with you just by saying "ya", cos I don't craves for kisses or hugs cos I know your kisses and hugs are just for me, only. <3 I have been asking myself alot of times, "How can I make you my number 1 when you malign me about putting my aunty first, my parents first?" I guess you didn't know just to prevent to not tell you know I am in fact bought lil things from people like the tubes and Stitch, I just told you I am busy. In fact, I woke up early mornings to get those lil gifts dedicated for you. Like the Stitch, I woke up at 9am to get ready and collect from the person at Chinese Garden despite I am quite tired. As for the tubes, I woke up earlier to go my friend's place to collect. True enough, it is fair for you to be angry cos I kept mum, but I did all this because you are always that number 1 boy in my heart <3 Cos I love you. This sentence is enough to prove my heart for you. Thank you so much, for teaching me stuffs I never know what is important. All I know is I wish you be able to love me for who I am, sorry I may be the most anything girlf you ever have, but I am more of the kind, as long as you love me and give me the loves I deserved, I am happy <3 That's all I ask for. I know you been giving me, just remember I am also loving you and putting you as my 1st. Everytime I plan for something, I will put you 1st. Not due to I put them first, I love my parents, I love you. That's all. Do know that I am always loving you, making you the one of my hearts. Whether you feel it or not, from deep in my heart, I love you. Whether things do happen or not, thank you for being there before. I know what you are, and I just understand because I am your Baby girl. I know how much you hate me hanging out with my friends and hate me finding jobs just to relax and those of my reasons, I choose to understand. Cos I know you just want me all by yourself. True enough, I can hate you for that but I rather choose to understand once again. Hard to accept but it is you, the man of my love.
I love you, now and always. <3
& You are just the only guy I loved
Whether what past I have,
I cherish you more than anything
Cos you are just the loving boy in my eyes
I don't care whether fate binds us or not,
I am glad at least I have you now. (:
P/S ; Chalet's Post will be up when my love send me the pic. (:
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