Everyone Has A Past, But Do They Dare To Look Back To Their Past?
Well, this post ain't like those normal posts I have written. Because, I think I don't feel like posting my daily for this current post because I don't feel like it, no particular reason. I realize I feel like typing my emotions out, instead of simply always being so retardly lame in all my posts. I guess, I wish to write what I feel like writing in this current post. No worries, nothing is wrong with me, just feel like typing. Well, pretty lame, yea? But don't blame me, uh? Just sit back & enjoy what I feel like typing, hopefully it won't hurt any humans out there? Time has flown, so sometimes writing inspirations doesn't kill. ;D

Not a wealthy girl, not a poor girl, yet just an average girl in this Country named Singapore. Everytime I sit down and my mind will slowly drift off to my thoughts, thoughts that just come and fade away into thin air. Words love entering me, & I enjoy typing them rather than writing them down in papers. I love the moments I drift off to my thoughts because most of the times, the thoughts are just happy ones, instead of sad ones. I admit I do think alot at times, but sometimes precious moments come more than saddening moments. I resent my life alot, probably its cos of a few reasons. No worries, I also love my life & there is certainly a few reasons again. First of all, one of the things I resent my life is my Family. Dad doesn't talk to me, mom just care about money, sis just knows how to be two faced. I don't know why, but apparently I admit I want my parents back. I want to have my father back, my mother back & my sister. Most importantly, it is all because I ♥ them. Despite having many fights with my dad, I wish I can turn back time to love him once again. What's more is he is my Dad, but at times I don't feel that he is my dad anymore cos he bear grudges, he hates me for going ITE, & simply just wouldn't support me in anything despite he only gives me allowances, maybe no longer giving me. I am glad that at least he gives, although mom fork out the rest. I don't know why, but I still love my family as ever despite so many things happen. I am already 17 years old, if I carry on hating him I get nowhere. Instead of a lifetime of hating him, I rather spend my lifetime loving him cos he is my Beloved Daddy. The one who is meant to be my father. What's more, blood is always thicker than water. I don't wish to live my life in regrets, cos I do love my Dad. Well, I know I only can type and he will never come this blog, but I still gonna say, I do ♥ you, Daddy. I am not those type of girl who hates you for life, because I cherish our kinship together. No matter what, I will always have you as my Daddy. Guess sometimes, all children is having a warmth and lovely parents, right? Wors can only express what's in me, no matter how much I am trying, it is still up to you to believe me or not. I don't know what is going to happen next, but just gonna cherish what I have now. Despite many stuffs in between, what is fixed is already fixed.

Second one that I probably resent and wish things can turn around again is, Friendship. I have lose people & I have gain many different type of people in my phase of life. Alot of people tells me that "Friendship are forever and ever" but I disagree because I don't believe in friendship forever yet I believe only in "True friends will stand by you despite bad times come along but what stays really united is cos they are there for you whatever it is". I have many different kinds of friends, and I ♥ them alot. But I just don't know how to express those loves to them. Probably because I am shy? But I must say, probably I am left behind a scar, which I know will take a long time to heal despite having friends around. I know alot of people knows about it, & until today I still think of her. Thinks of why does she have to leave me? I admit I still want her back no matter what, & I can't bear to let her go somehow. She is none other than the girl I have spend for 7 years long. What we shared ain't boyf-girlf, yet its those really best friends forever. Both of us have good and bad times, memories I will never forget. Once, I have alot of things I wish to do with her, like buy a beautiful BFF necklace with her, buy things to represent our friendship. Things that girls do together. Well, both of our personalities are definitely so different, but I am definitely attracted to her. I am moving on without her, but at times our memories will occur. She is more of a Best Friend and Sister to me, she knows me well, I believe. I still miss her like always. Well, honestly speaking I do want to know if she have I ever been her best friend and does she love me like how I do for the past 7 years. I don't know why its so easy for her to leave me liddat, whereas I still seek for the reason of her departure and still loving her as before. That love ain't boyf-girlf love yet its the love of friendship. No reasons is enough to say how much I love her, previous archive I seen have written how much I care for her, I love her. But it seemed that, she rather leave than know. I think she know & sometimes I think she doesn't know. I don't get it, I have to bluff myself and say that I get it no matter what. As time goes by, I know I can never ever forget her, but I know she taught how to truly treasure a friendship. Despite being afraid to have best friend again, I am just glad I have friends around guiding me and teaching me to love my friends despite her departure. I don't know if she will happen to pass by my blog or not, but I must say that she is just that best best friend I ever had. Time has passed, but I still ♥ you Winnie. I will still be hoping for you to be back. Take care & find me as long as you need me. I am always here. She left me behind alot of memories, memories that will be kept inside my little heart. Well, she is not just a friend, yet she is a best friend cum sister. I do not regret knowing her, cos she is one of a kind. Glad to know her, her sister. Both of them are the best friends I ever got. Happy to have them in this world, and always remembering the times we had. True enough, there are alot good times and bad times, but overall she is just that beautiful Winnie The Pooh I've ever known.

This two things are those that I know might be done and might be undone, but time will only show itself. Although I resent those that happened, but I know I have learnt many different kinds of lessons behind it. Somehow I know that it can never ever be back to normal, because those things are things that will stick onto your lifetime regardless what. Like I said, I resent my life but I also loved it. Of course, many things have affected me badly, but I must be strong to face it all, instead of crying and sobbing. Crying ain't a solution anymore, cos when you cry, people will be thinking that you are gaining sympathy and crying doesn't help you a single thing at all. Nothing will be solved it you kept on crying non stop. Along the journey of life, it isn't always all about the smooth sailing one, yet all about the different flavours of life you faced. Regardless bitter,sweet or sour, just face it bravely. Well, apart from Parents & Her, there are also many things I have remorse & I know all that are just going to be lessons that I am going to carry throughout my life. Does anyone knows that I hate my Secondary School life alot except the parts that I got close friends which are my beloved juniors. I hate being in the same level with those people that hate me for no apparent reason, those who didn't give me a good impression of my Secondary School Days. In fact, I ♥ my Primary School days more than anything else. No matter how much I hate/I love, I just got to face it. Tough four years, but is glad that everything is over.

I really loathe my Secondary School when I was Sec 3 & Sec 4. No true friends are there except my Beloved Animal Farm. They are the only ones who are there for me when I needed someone. When I was sad, they will shower me with sugary stuffs. They make me feel that 'My Secondary School Days are completed with them in my life'. Bad things happen, yet there are the only ones who cared for me more than anyone else. Well, this year all of them are graduating, but in my heart I want to tell them that I ♥ them & all the memories we had before are never be replaced x3. Me, aka the Piggy will always be here whenever you want to hear about me, feel free to ring me up if you need me. Loves. They are definitely the treasures during my Secondary School Days. I still remember one event so clearly. When I was having the final showdown between Jordan, Me & Her, Shafiqah aka Bunny stood by me. She showered with me all her care and concern. Apart from her, I also remember Dini aka Neko will always try to make me smile, her cute cute lil ways will make me smile loads. Not forgetting Siyi aka Hammy, I've known her for a long period of time and I enjoyed hearing her cold jokes. Despite her hiding in her shell, she still made the effort to make me smile. Shafiqah, Siyi and Dini are the best friends I have during my Sec Sch days. They are just that so sweet, so loving, so patient to me while I was mending my fragile heart. Without them, I doubt I will be this strong. Thank you guys. I owe you guys one (: No amount of gratitude is enough to express my so much ♥♥♥ to them. Because, I know my memories with them will last now and always. Don't forget me, alright. Although I am in ITE & totally busy, I am glad you guys never forget me, and never once stop contacting me. No matter how far, I will always remember you guys. You guys make me love my Secondary Sch Days. In the Animal Farm, I don't feel like an Outcast, yet I feel like a family with them. They will keep pushing me hard, and seeing me studying despite efforts did paid off. My grades isn't all F9 when I received my Olvls Results, yet it is filled with D7 and even B3. Instead of saying you deserve it, they told me, good job DanDan! Lastly, DanDan aka Napoleon/Piggy loves you guys <3 Everytime when I write all this little thoughts inside me into a Blog entry, my heart can't help it but also remember all the good times I had. One example was Animal Farm ; The Bunch of them who made me loves my Secondary School days despite also hating those in the same levels with me. I also have many good stuffs to say, not neccessary always the bad stuffs, right? Another thing I am glad for are my past relationships, considered as good stuffs too. I have fallen in love and fallen out of love alot of times, am glad to learn all those lessons those guys who hurt me. Strange but true. Guys like Jordan and Randal are the most memorable whereas all the rest are just guys that are merely passerby. Sometimes I do think back of my memories with Randal and Jordan. Cos their memories are those that are the sweetest & happiest & tearjerking.. I no longer believe in 'forever', because we all will die one day. Randal and Jordan are memories that have beautiful lessons inside despite being hurt more than anyone else. Although, many things took place in between of wanting them back. Whenever I recall what I did last time to get them back and what the memories I had with them, I sense a gust of foolishness and cuteness.

Randal is my first love 3 years ago. The first guy who I have fallen in love so much till I can't bring myself to forget him. He is definitely one memory I will never ever forget. What's more when he is my first love. He let me embrace in a journey of truly falling in love and enjoying the moments having a guy whom you can share all your feelings for. Enjoy the feeling of being loved, being kissed, being hugged, being missed, being all sorts of things you can think. Every teenage girls love to fall in love. Randal is one who let me love the feeling of being so in love, let me know how deeply I can fall in love. True, I admit I am like all ordinary girl thinking that I will have a forever with him. But I was wrong, cos first love doesn't always last forever. Less than 3 months, what I hated occur. In the process, despite attempts of wanting him back, I have many ex boyfriends, all are just replacement of Randal. But only when I realized, what I truly want is not him, what I truly want is the feeling of being loved. I seek so much, and eventually I got my answer coming 2 years back. In the end, I found myself fallen in love with a guy named Jordan. Another guy who caught in my life and causing it to be in turmoil. Jordan is totally different from Randal, complete two different guys. Jordan is a brand new guy who I have decided to put in my dozens of loves in it, whom I thought I have finally moved on Randal and gotten this guy. This guy is like a Knight, definitely different from Randal because Jordan is the type of Knight who is willing to give up his time for me. Personally, Randal and I are underground relationship towards my family and his. As for Jordan, I know his family, I was being introduced to his family. Something that I thought he can be that guy I can love more than anything else. But my stupidity accepts whatever he did, I agreed to let him love another woman despite being attached to me. The girl was earlier than me, but he proclaimed to love me more than anyone else. So I gave in, allowed him to have another woman in the process of being with me. He told me everything about her, and I never once doubted his love for me. He was the best, because I still remember I am so willing to write letters each day while I am overseas, bought him different types of gifts being there. I realized how much I love this man. Soon after, school has begun, both of us never had time. Once again, I never doubted what he is doing behind my back. Despite not being able to meet up once school reopened, I await for his call, I await for him to tell me he miss me, or even when he called in the midst of the night and tell me goodnight, I was contented. All this is enough to tell me, I do love this man named Jordan Koh. But things go wrong suddenly, he left me on the 20 days without meeting. He left me and bid me farewell. He left my heart bleeding. I didn't cry for the first night, but thanks to him I cried for straight 3 weeks, shedding alot of weights because of his departure. He left me crying tears and saying he decided to be with the other girl. I don't know why did it ended this way. I wanted him back, but nothing works. When a man/woman loves you no more, you can never get him/her back. Like I said previously, Shafiqah aka Bunny and I met with him and the girl, his sentence "Our love is just a Game" is enough to tear into pieces. But thanks to him, I have grown up. Decided not to step into a relationship so harshly again. I only can say "Thank you Jordan & Randal for those lessons learnt". Randal has become a good friend of mine, no longer the guy I loved. As for Jordan, a stranger that left this fairytale ended without anything else. This is one thing that I am thankful of.

Thankfully, due to all this ordeals, I met another guy. A guy whom was once my good friend cum MapleVIA friend. Both of us knew each other in MapleVIA, just being normal friends. Friends who just talk, despite not being close, but we chat well together. Both of us were good friends, chatted on phone like all types of friends. I never once thought of anything between me and him. Both of us watched Batman ; The Dark Knight together, he paid my movie tickets, he send me home, he invited me to watch Songs of the Sea despite it started to pour heavily, he coming down so randomly to find me. Never thought of anything yet treasuring this friendship. But one fateful day, he suddenly confessed to me while on the other hand, I sort of attracted another guy unknowingly. That guy confessed to me and my first reaction was did he send the wrong text message. No, he didn't. He has actually fallen for me. I never once thought I will fall for him. Despite giving him one chance, I gave it up the other day. Because I am not mentally prepared. Despite all that he did, I was not moved at all. I do not love him, until one fateful day I suddenly realised I do love him. My feelings begun to grow for him, and only on the 10 October 2008, o32oam we got together as a pair of lovebirds. I admit I do not have that super strong feelings for that man cos I am afraid to fall in love again. But he kept trying no matter what, therefore I fall for him eventually. Monthsary pass, and what surprises me was we are still happily together for 13 monthsary already. Even my parents agreed to this relationship, his parents too. Despite we have bad times, we still made it through and last together happily. <3 God love to play tricks on me. But I thank Him for giving me this man now. I know alot of you guys know who is he, he is none other than Desmond Toh ; My Babylove♥. That sweet boy of mine who had been there for me regardless what. Despite not believing in forever, but I am just going to walk one step at a time, (: Because that's what I learnt. Desmond Toh ; My Babylove♥ had taught me so much things in my life. Despite he is so sensitive and jealous at times, I know he loves me and dotes me more than anyone else. Babylove♥, I love you <3. He has become a part of me since that date. No man can win him like the way he did. Despite what, I am going to cherish him. He is just a loving boy to me, even if I have to shout it out loud, I do not mind expressing all my loves to him. Whatever happens, I am just glad to have this boy by my side. Muacks. I guess, this is how God decided to find the right one for me. Whether will last forever and ever, or not, I will just smile and cherish him more than ever. He is just a Simple Boy, & probably that's why I love him so much. ♥

I am certainly grateful to this two things. Jordan and Randal are memories that I am glad I have learnt, Desmond Toh ; my Babylove♥, a miracle I treasure. Apart from these two items, there is certainly more. One of them is beginning my new life in ITE, I thought I will not have any friends. Instead, my friends in ITE are really one of a kind. I love them to the max. Because they really let me know what it feels like to be a part of them. Despite having conflicts, politics, I am glad to have good moments spent with them. Despite always spending time with my Babylove♥, they understand and willing to open big arms to let me with him. They won't say things like "Got boyf then don't have friends". They are bunch of friends that I loved to mix with, they are lovely people and really hope to spend my 2 years happily with them. Whether I go Poly, working society or take part time poly next time, I am just glad to have them in my little life. They make my ITE life filled with dozens of smiles. Memories are well spend, of course. I am glad to know each of them, cos they all played a part in letting me believe in friendship again. Happy. Nothing can make me ever stop loving them, cos they are fabulous people that I will treasure in my ITE life. I also gonna work hard for my GPA, ain't going to let myself down. Many things are coming along the way, so I must stay positive and always believing in beautiful stuffs. Whatever it is, I am going to preserve till the end, despite having tough ends. Guess that's my goal for being in ITE since the day I stepped inside.

I guess that's about those thoughts running inside my head. Despite it is a long post, but I am just expressing my feelings. I hope I didn't make you all bored. I know its a long essay, but those who read it, I know you cared because people who will take their time to read all those who really cares for me (: Well, life is changing and my inspirations comes and goes. That's me. ;D So you all gotta be used to it, haha. Oh well, lastly I wish to say....
"Thank you for reading & hope you enjoy my post"

& Babylove♥, you've been the best guy <3 Although my parents stuffs hit you alot, But I know as times goes by, all will be gone for good Be like me, smile and live life fruitfully Ignore what should be ignored Because there's no need for me to care Cos the more I care, the more scolding I get I still love them, but I won't do anything stupid In my eyes, I love you, my family, my friends You and including them, are all I ever needed Muacks, my Babylove♥.
Don't stress yourself up anymore, my heart will bleed.

P/S ; Aim to lose 3 kg!
P/S/S ; Click my ads (:

Labels: #1089

»

«