Sometimes I Preferred Being An Orphan Than A Kid That Have Parents
Heyyo :D Once again, I am here to blog. Hehe, took me rather long enough to blog, uh? Oh well, the weather has been killing me lately. So freaking hot!!! I have no idea what has happened but the weather is killing me! >< Damn! Well, yesterday was Polling Day, the main event that happens every 5 years. Oh well (: Hehe, I watched till 2am then I went off to bed. Too tiring alr. Went swimming with LaiyinMEI, Jianyong and Bby♥. Shiok (Y) B'coz swimming always make me so cool especially in such a weather. Who can seriously take the heat?!! I don't know! :x Hahaha today is Mother's Day, another ordinary day to me. Like a G6 (: So yeah. Lately, been catching Fairy Tail, a new Anime :D Not bad though, I like Happy. One of the leads in the show.

Enough is Enough!
I am really fucked up with my life lately. I am very sick and tired, I think one day I will lead into depression. Maybe what Bby♥ say I am right, I am two faced b'coz one side I can 'orh orh orh, ya ya ya.', after that I will tell the other person '!@#$%^&*()_+'. So yeah, I think I do suck seriously. Mom have been driving me nuts since I semi graduated. Irriating me all over jobs, and all about her shitty life spend with dad. I don't have a good family background in the sense that, Dad and I quarreled thrice so badly till ...... Many unhappiness in between. Do not wish to reveal, thank you very much. Well sick and tired of her being annoying. Like I mentioned, many reasons due to it. One of them is Bby♥. If you read the post I written. So yeah. Bby♥ wants me to grow up and inside me, I really want to grow up. I hate being stuck in this stage of my life. I don't want this 'blur' face Bby♥ keep saying. I am really getting pissed off each day with the rate of her. What's there to rush? I already tell myself before Bby♥ enlist, I have to SERIOUSLY fucking find a job! I am already determined. The moment I get a job, I won't fucking let them know anything. Pay, money regardless what, I won't breath a word. I am really literally fed up. Now Mom is cutting off my allowance, all b'coz I didn't respond to her. I didn't want to because there's nothing to reply. What for force? Forcing doesn't lead to anything! Seriously, she is driving me nuts. I don't want depression. What's the point? Forget it. If there's no allowance, so be it. I am really sick and tired of all this ridiculous thing happening in my life. Sometimes, I think I am just a child without parents. I guess I prefer hoping to have parents rather than having parents that doesn't treat me like one. I love my brother the most, I guess. But still, this is reality. Reality works this way. I am just sick and tired of all this thrash coming a long my way ): Please go away. Bby♥ have been giving me alot of lectures on life. I have been changing but in his eyes, I am still not perfect. I am still weak, I am still 'blur', I am still like a fuck up shit. :< I don't know how. Honestly, I admit I wanna blame Bby♥ for not approving me to find a job. But overall, it is my fault. I chose the path of my Bby♥ rather than parents. Bby♥ taught me many other things compared to my parents. Forget it.

The thought of saying about my family make me blood boil. I don't learn life lessons due to them, its due to Bby♥ and all the friends I mixed with regardless good or bad. I don't regret once at all. B'coz they are my loved ones. (: That makes them special for me, I love them. I don't know why but seriously, I am willing to g all out to change myself. But I know Bby♥ will never praise. Guess sometimes I will weaken, don't know what to do. I choose to listen to Bby♥ b'coz I guess that's the decision I make. Bby♥ is always blaming for always pushing him to make decisions but seriously this is the fact. I feel like asking you, when was one time you let me decide something that I want? None. I can say. I am really sad, no one there for me. You can support me, but when you're angry. Words I hate always come out. Am I really like a loser in front of you? I really don't know. Parents are driving me crazy. Money is the root of all problems now ): I got no allowance, I got to survive on my own. Guess afterall I have to endure all shit before anything. I can fake a million smiles but deep down, I am weak. I am really weak. ): I guess, I have to be strong. I am making myself, not to fall due to her words. I have to be strong to protect myself, protect my Bby♥. Nothing else can separate us. I really don't want us to fall apart but what can I do? Mom is driving me nuts, dad is another fucker. But still, those fuckers are my parents. My blooded parents. But am I a daughter in their eyes, eventually my heart fade. Cos to me, I realized nothing really matters to them but money. That's the best to them, I guess? I really don't know. I guess I can only let it just fuck off eventually. I know one day I will explode, but it is a matter of time. So yeah, enough is enough. I have my limits!

Guess what Bby♥ say is right. It's time to blow but I guess I have to see when the flame wanna go. Cos seriously, endurance is just a matter of time. Oh well, tomorrow is Monday. Tuesday is thirty one monthsary. Wednesday is ITE College East Graduation 2011 :> YAY! Okay, I wanna go watch Fairy Tail. Cos I think I might just cry real soon. >< Need distraction.

Most importantly, thank you Bby♥. Your lessons will always be learnt. I won't disappoint you, I really won't. I want you see to see in a different way. I don't want to be that fuck up bitch that got you so upset. I love you. You my one and only strength. With you, I won't make myself fall. I will be strong. If dad and mom wanna force me to the edge, I will blow. I will do what it takes to protect us. I won't let anything crumble. I am tired of just tell you yet not doing. I will do it and prove the world, I AM STRONG!

Labels: #1386

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