Just that three words, I love you for you.
I love to be loved, love the feeling being loved, cherished, cared, doted, and every other special feelings. I always believe in love being give and take. I like to fall in love a lot. Well when I was young, I always thought of love being normal and going through all odds to be happily ever after. Slowly, when I think about the past with all my ex boyfriends, they always bring back a lot of cute and lovely memories despite there are some painful ones that will come along. I always watch all sorts of drama and enjoyed watching anything nice, that's how it always tell me to believe in love. Believe that, a relationship works out fine and sweet. I don't know how to describe the happy feelings whenever I see couples kiss, hug, hold hands inside drama. I know dramas are all fake, it is nothing similar like reality. But still, I always wish I can have a happily ever after story with the one I loved. Well, it is never easy to find the one you can spend happily ever after cos time is always ticking non stop. I don't know how to describe that feelings, but still this is reality. Well, lately I have a lot of thoughts in my current relationship. A lot of things happening, I don't know how long can I withstand before I explode all over again. Maybe I can admit I have explode numerous times but still nothing work. Did you realize? I can admit that I have spoken to a few to need help. Many given me advice, and I told them I did everything I could. I don't know what is running through my mind. Many things are going through my mind a lot. Since I don't know when, many things happened.

Maybe ever since he enlisted? Or maybe it actually happened when I didn't even expect it. I guess so too. How silly can I be. Honestly, this is so gay. My mind is in a whirl. Among so many advices I have received, one tell me there is only one solution. But until today, I did not use that solution at all. Because I never believed that is the solution to everything. I don't know why but I still wait for miracles to happen, wait till one day. I don't know when that one day will ever come. But there are always a miracle happening, I believe in that. I don't know how easy my life can be. Hopefully all things goes well. Well, I miss the feeling of being loved. Especially when trust, communication everything are stable. I am together with him, yet I don't know why is there so many troubles coming along. Is it me, is it you or is it just us? Many things kept coming on and off. I don't know where is the problem, where is the shitty stuffs coming along. Because mistakes are like impossible to appear, in fact there is nothing. But it sounds like there is a lot. Somehow I really don't know what is the problem and everything. Be it even I know, the solution seemed like it is far beyond reach.

I don't know why but this is reality. I don't know how much determination am I left, how much everything is left inside me but I have to stay strong, be strong and not giving up. Be it I have to do things secretly or what, I just have to stay strong. My life is very messed up. I don't know why so emotional, but still life still goes this way. That's why I say I miss being loved, being understand, rather than suffering so many things. I don't know if my relationship is failing bit by bit or just waiting for something to happen.. I don't know. Well, I just hope my life goes back to the way it is soon. I want my normal life. I want my boyfriend to be normal, all problems to fade off. But if one day I make that move, please give me the strength and power. Thank you so much.

Maybe words are not enough to type everything all out, but still thank you blogger for being there for me whenever I want to vent my mood. I don't know how to say this but I am thankful to have words supporting me all the time. Life is like a bed of roses, we just have to keep growing just to learn and grow up. If one day I really explode and go madness, please support me, please give me all the strength cos if that's the only solution, I have no choice. Do I?

Labels: #1423

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