Aye, (: I love my pretty awesome cool blog right now. ♥ Know why am I loving it so much? Cos I changed to this skin. Okay that sounds really ridiculous! But at the end, I was thinking why not change to really dark and awesome colors so therefore my blogskin's main color is black & purple. (: But I think only my twitter is showing my favourite colors. I can't believe I like the blending of pink & black. Oh my gosh, awesome x3 Yesterday was very memorable for me. She was there when I needed someone. (: I just give her a very random text message & she called me. Chatted with her for 1 hour 42 minutes! Thank you, your words pulled me through. Until today, she is none other than my one&only best friend. Don't know if she thinks that way but thank God, she pulled me through the shit hole crap ! My side of my face is aching ): , so badly! Well, I am kinda lazy to blog about my weekends with him. But yeah, probably I will blog but not so soon ._. I am pretty lazy, aye! (: Just want to talk about my current status! :D I am finally on the track of finding a proper job! Job hunting is v v v tough ): , so sad! Even the support I want ain't coming from the person I hoped from. Slowly, I just realized that happy times doesn't seemed to be that happy anymore. Living in denial is really bad ): , but how? That's how the world works. Maybe , maybe he really ain't the one. I have no idea but I have to be strong. :/ I know I know, I am incredibly weak. I cried over things that affect me most. What a silly goose I am ): Today is my second day of Jobhunting , called , applied & do whatever I can. I want to have the feeling "Oh yes, my first pay!" but I don't even dare to expect much. Cos expectation always leads to disappointment. ): Saddening much. Well, lately many things have been happening and I am trying to turn a blind eye to them but gradually things I am supposed to get used, I ain't getting used and I am blowing out more than ever. Oh whatever, thinks I am just being whinyy. Or maybe clingyy. Ain't it just so depressing? I wish to have a better life. My tooth is being a bitch ): , causing the side of my mouth so painful today!

Enough whining like a big baby. I am just gonna not run away. Right now, I just want to believe in myself (: What matters most is I am happy, that's what I learnt. Many times already! But certain things just have to go , isn't it? I miss doing many things! Damn, I want to feel normal , feel ordinary! (: Right..., I am whining again. Sometimes at the point of my life, there're only a few people around for you. I am trying my best to keep my cool. Hell yeah, no more flaring at things that won't change a bit! (: LOL. But probably just don't touch me at wrong moment. I need to be on the right track of life. ♥ I must really love myself before loving anyone (: I ain't thinking of shit but just that life is being a bitch~ I am making my day a better one. I am aiming so many things! Pray that I get my first job soon. I really don't want to be looked down upon! Many things I want to do with money, be it save , spend on certain things but at least I am happy! (: I have not REALLY smile for so longggg. Well, I am such a depressed woman -.- How sad can that be. Well, I am going off already! I will blog about my last weekend with him. I just miss the times where I have all the happiness in the world. It just felt like everything is gone just like that..  )): Just jealous and envious of people's life. I need a happy pill for at least I can be contented. Oh well, no hoping just being happy!

& You know how much I miss the past. The past where we have happy times but now, it's drifting so far away. Do you know that? Yes I am weak. Weak because you have been hurting me. I thought I am getting used to everything but in fact I am starting to flare at you. Flare at the things I am not happy. You won't make the effort to understand me, that's why we are being like that. I have been doing my best to give in to you.. But you ain't trying.. You just do the things you thought its best but never once asked me if its okay. I am a human, I need love too. But do you care? Do you bother? Everything is in your hands. Honestly, do you know I am prepared to say goodbye despite I know how much heartache it will be. I know if this goes on, it's a dead end for us unless we are willing to change for each other. You understand? Now its your turn to understand. Yes, you say what you understand so long but ain't the thing you understand far lesser than me. Please change, I need that from you.

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